Sunrises and Mortality

Today I saw the sun come up
Golden and pale pink over the treeline
The gray of horizon phasing into 
The softness of clouded blue
Today I saw the sunrise
And I cried.
I almost didn't see this sunrise
Yesterday, I almost died.

I guess things don't really phase me.  I take everything all in stride.  Unless I'm angry.  My stint in the emergency room was like that.  At first I was panicked, and afraid.  I cried a bit.  I made sure to do it when I was alone.  I don't like crying in front of people.  It seems too intimate to share my weakness and fear with a stranger.  My pain is my own.  I guard it like I guard my secrets.
But after the tears, which didn't last long at all, I felt nothing.  I was my old self again.  No worries, no fear.  I just took it all in stride.  One step after another.  One foot in front of the other.  There was no time for any emotion, just survival.  Just keep going.  I didn't feel any different.  I didn't feel any closer to death.  Didn't feel like I was hanging on by a very slim thread.
It wasn't until I saw today's sunrise that it finally hit me.  It wasn't my husband, or my daughter, but the colors of the sky as the sun crested the horizon. It wasn't until I saw the underbelly of the clouds tinged pink from the earliest light, and the gray of the dawn burning away to blue.  Not until I saw the liquid gold of the morning sun spill through the trees, did I truly understand the position I'd been in.
I almost missed this simple beautiful sight.  It has long been my habit to thank God for the sky, or red flowers by the highway, those unexpected red moments of life.  When I did this today, I realized I might not have witnessed this.  Thinking that, I cried. I'm so grateful for the life I have been given.
The smallest moments, so unexpected, are intense in their purity and power to remind you of the truth of your situation in life.  We are only a wink in God's eye.  I'm glad he decided not to blink this time.