I don't usually do this publicly but something has made me so angry that I can't think of anything else. Right now, YES. I am an angry black woman. I'm going to tell you why.
I've never labelled myself as an activist, or feminist, or anything other than Spitfire really. However, living life as a woman and as a geek you tend to notice things. Things like society values "Me" a little less than it values "He".
Girl geeks and women in general have become much more vocal about this inequality lately. I've been sitting in front of the computer screen nodding along with them. Agreeing, albeit silently. Gail Simone coining "Women In Refrigerators"? Yep. That got the head bop. #yesallwomen? Uh huh. Still nodding because TRUE. #youOKSis? Yes indeed, fist raised in solidarity. All in silence. Then Elliot Rogers happened. (http://nypost.com/2014/05/25/virgin-gunman-vowed-sorority-sluts-must-die-before-rampage/)
And it was all explained away. Swept under the rug of "mental illness" without mention of the male entitlement and misogynistic views that were taught to him over the years via every media outlet ever. These are beliefs that are held by a LARGE majority of men. As can be witnessed by the tweets and youtube comments stating that "giving it up can save lives". Sigh.
After that, along came Ray Rice, and his wife (then fiance), and an elevator, and a slew of defenses made on his behalf by otherwise right-thinking individuals.
Yet still, I only nodded along in agreement as allies made points that I thought were glaringly obvious. Allies like Keith Olbermann:
"You don't do that. Because by some tiny amount each one of those things lowers the level of basic human respect for women..." _Keith Olbermann
And I would have stayed silent, believing that everything I felt had already been said by more eloquent people. HOWEVER, when I see men I know personally express views like "she showed no signs of serious abuse" when speaking of a woman who was knocked unconscious and dumped on the floor, I feel like some things bear repeating.
Even the smallest instance of misogyny, the slightest offhand joke, the snickering internal agreement adds to the MONOLITHIC oppression of half of society. These little things give it power. They are the enforcers of injustice. They are the cops that put common sense in a choke hold.
The Monolith is made up of ALL OF THOSE TINY THINGS. ALL of those tiny things are behind every instance of street harassment and catcalling. It's not a compliment. All those tiny things are the reason "his" check is larger than mine even though we do the same job. All those tiny things are behind every date rape. All those tiny things are behind every cunt or bitch comment on a youtube video. All those tiny things are behind every insult hurled when she doesn't respond to you calling her sexy. All those tiny things are behind every woman who escaped and DIDN'T escape domestic violence. All those tiny things are behind every "she shouldn't have provoked it" statement. Every slur hurled, Every punch thrown, every law passed about my body, every time I have to watch my back because I'm walking alone, EVERY JUSTIFICATION created for "him" has the weight of the monolith behind it.
Is this really that hard to understand?
Also, can someone please explain to me what constitutes "serious abuse"???? Please enlighten me? So, what you're saying is that because it only took one punch to knock her out that it's not really that serious??? Approximately how many bruises would she require before it was considered serious? Does internal bleeding count as serious? I mean, you can't SEE it after all. What about concussions? Are those serious?
While I have you here, could you also explain the laws of provocation to me? Are those written down some where? I don't want to be guilty of breaking them. Now, let me stop you before you say "But she spit on him". Yep, that's gross. No doubt about it. She may well have been spitting mad. (that was beneath me, way too easy, but I don't really care right now.) But no one is saying "But he provoked her" and defending her in any way. So, is it to be understood that "provocation" isn't something men can be guilty of? And on what scale is it measured that being spat upon should equal loss of consciousness? Oh. Right. the law of provocation. All I hear when people say this is "Don't make men angry. You won't like them when they're angry." So, angry people are no longer expected to keep their hands to themselves? Please explain how this makes any kind of sense whatsoever? I get mad ALL THE TIME! ALL. THE. TIME. And I have YET to concuss someone. I'm mad right now and haven't thrown a single punch. But ooooh my let the tables turn. Uh oh, I've made a man angry! It is now, therefore, justifiable for him to attack me physically. It's all OK because Durrr hurrrr: penis.... Herp a Derp: Testoterone. Boys will be boys blaaahh blahh blaaaah.
But.....but.....How is provocation measured? It seems to be VERY arbitrary to me. I mean, does being dumped provoke one person to set another on fire? Is that how it works? Alabama woman dies 'after she is set on fire by her ex-boyfriend'
Or how about I live but my child dies? Hmmm....what would provoke that, I wonder? Sleeping 8-yr Killed, Mother Injured in Shooting
Maybe it's the simple act of not giving sex to every random guy that seems to want it from me? I'm sorry but I just don't have the time or stamina to accommodate ALL of you...maybe two...but not ALL! Sheesh!
Or maybe the provocation is giving the stankface to the random "gentleman" who told me he'd like to do me doggie style? Sigh. As tempting as that offer was I just had to pick up my kid from summer camp otherwise...ABSOLUTELY, total stranger! PLEASE take me now right here in the street cuz, ain't nuthin sexier!!!
Or could it possibly be just existing with a uterus? Is that provocation enough? Talking back? Being unhappy with the way I'm treated? Yelling and screaming? Not acting out my role in the porn you created in your mind??? Somebody tell me, please! I'm on pins and needles over here!
So, you want to know why I'm angry?
I have to yell fire if I'm being assaulted because no one will give a damn if I yell rape.
THIS IS WHY.
Because I had to change my daughter's cell phone number after a boy became verbally abusive when she told him she wasn't allowed to date. She was 10.
THIS IS WHY.
Because #notallmen was created in response to #yesallwomen just to derail the conversation about a very real aspect of life for everyone born with a uterus.
THIS IS WHY.
Because after every music awards show I have to tell my daughter that she is more than just a collection holes to be filled and squishy bits to be squeezed.
THIS IS WHY.
Because in a crowded room I keep my back to the wall, as experience has taught me my backside is open for business to any male in the room.
THIS IS WHY.
Because boys are taught to rule and girls are taught to be NICE.
THIS IS WHY.
Because I have to pretend to LIKE IT when I'm accosted on the street and asked to suck a dick, or be prepared to be verbally abused and/or physically assaulted for exercising my basic human right to go outside.
THIS IS WHY.
Because men find it more important to jump up and scream "BUT NOT ME" when confronted with the fact that LOTS of men are douche nozzles instead of LISTENING.
THIS IS WHY.
Because a lot of men won't care about this issue until another man speaks out about it.
THIS IS WHY.
Because Ray Rice grew up mentally ingrained with a cultural education that says it is OK for your brain to cease functioning when you get angry because the rules don't apply to men.
THIS IS WHY.
Because men are taught that women are only here for their entertainment and pleasure.
THIS IS WHY.
Because otherwise right-thinking men will blame the unconscious victim for her fate by saying she "PROVOKED" the attack.
THIS IS WHY.
Because women are told to learn how NOT TO BE A VICTIM as if they can PLAN NOT TO BE ATTACKED. Yet men are not told to NOT VICTIMIZE.
THIS IS WHY.
Because high school football players video a drunk girl being raped and post it on youtube, laughing all the way. HA HA HA! (Steubenville High School Rape Case)
THIS IS WHY.
Because people in the town piss and moan about those same players' lives being ruined as a result of criminal charges being brought against them.
THIS IS WHY.
Because rape is a joke.
THIS IS WHY.
Because people STILL debate about whether "Rape Culture" is a THING! IT'S A THING! A REAL THING!
THIS IS WHY.
Because even the Police are guilty of it. (Cop accused of domestic violence arrested AGAIN)
Detroit Police Officer Arrested
THIS IS WHY.
Because I was a victim.
THIS IS WHY.
Because my mother was a victim.
THIS IS WHY.
Because my daughter was a victim.
THIS IS WHY.
I have a voice. I will use it even if half the population doesn't want me to. Even if I lose friends over this. I won't be silently nodding anymore. Spitfire will speak and THIS IS WHY.
Is this really that hard to understand?
Also, can someone please explain to me what constitutes "serious abuse"???? Please enlighten me? So, what you're saying is that because it only took one punch to knock her out that it's not really that serious??? Approximately how many bruises would she require before it was considered serious? Does internal bleeding count as serious? I mean, you can't SEE it after all. What about concussions? Are those serious?
While I have you here, could you also explain the laws of provocation to me? Are those written down some where? I don't want to be guilty of breaking them. Now, let me stop you before you say "But she spit on him". Yep, that's gross. No doubt about it. She may well have been spitting mad. (that was beneath me, way too easy, but I don't really care right now.) But no one is saying "But he provoked her" and defending her in any way. So, is it to be understood that "provocation" isn't something men can be guilty of? And on what scale is it measured that being spat upon should equal loss of consciousness? Oh. Right. the law of provocation. All I hear when people say this is "Don't make men angry. You won't like them when they're angry." So, angry people are no longer expected to keep their hands to themselves? Please explain how this makes any kind of sense whatsoever? I get mad ALL THE TIME! ALL. THE. TIME. And I have YET to concuss someone. I'm mad right now and haven't thrown a single punch. But ooooh my let the tables turn. Uh oh, I've made a man angry! It is now, therefore, justifiable for him to attack me physically. It's all OK because Durrr hurrrr: penis.... Herp a Derp: Testoterone. Boys will be boys blaaahh blahh blaaaah.
But.....but.....How is provocation measured? It seems to be VERY arbitrary to me. I mean, does being dumped provoke one person to set another on fire? Is that how it works? Alabama woman dies 'after she is set on fire by her ex-boyfriend'
Or how about I live but my child dies? Hmmm....what would provoke that, I wonder? Sleeping 8-yr Killed, Mother Injured in Shooting
Maybe it's the simple act of not giving sex to every random guy that seems to want it from me? I'm sorry but I just don't have the time or stamina to accommodate ALL of you...maybe two...but not ALL! Sheesh!
Or maybe the provocation is giving the stankface to the random "gentleman" who told me he'd like to do me doggie style? Sigh. As tempting as that offer was I just had to pick up my kid from summer camp otherwise...ABSOLUTELY, total stranger! PLEASE take me now right here in the street cuz, ain't nuthin sexier!!!
Or could it possibly be just existing with a uterus? Is that provocation enough? Talking back? Being unhappy with the way I'm treated? Yelling and screaming? Not acting out my role in the porn you created in your mind??? Somebody tell me, please! I'm on pins and needles over here!
So, you want to know why I'm angry?
I have to yell fire if I'm being assaulted because no one will give a damn if I yell rape.
THIS IS WHY.
Because I had to change my daughter's cell phone number after a boy became verbally abusive when she told him she wasn't allowed to date. She was 10.
THIS IS WHY.
Because #notallmen was created in response to #yesallwomen just to derail the conversation about a very real aspect of life for everyone born with a uterus.
THIS IS WHY.
Because after every music awards show I have to tell my daughter that she is more than just a collection holes to be filled and squishy bits to be squeezed.
THIS IS WHY.
Because in a crowded room I keep my back to the wall, as experience has taught me my backside is open for business to any male in the room.
THIS IS WHY.
Because boys are taught to rule and girls are taught to be NICE.
THIS IS WHY.
Because I have to pretend to LIKE IT when I'm accosted on the street and asked to suck a dick, or be prepared to be verbally abused and/or physically assaulted for exercising my basic human right to go outside.
THIS IS WHY.
Because men find it more important to jump up and scream "BUT NOT ME" when confronted with the fact that LOTS of men are douche nozzles instead of LISTENING.
THIS IS WHY.
Because a lot of men won't care about this issue until another man speaks out about it.
THIS IS WHY.
Because Ray Rice grew up mentally ingrained with a cultural education that says it is OK for your brain to cease functioning when you get angry because the rules don't apply to men.
THIS IS WHY.
Because men are taught that women are only here for their entertainment and pleasure.
THIS IS WHY.
Because otherwise right-thinking men will blame the unconscious victim for her fate by saying she "PROVOKED" the attack.
THIS IS WHY.
Because women are told to learn how NOT TO BE A VICTIM as if they can PLAN NOT TO BE ATTACKED. Yet men are not told to NOT VICTIMIZE.
THIS IS WHY.
Because high school football players video a drunk girl being raped and post it on youtube, laughing all the way. HA HA HA! (Steubenville High School Rape Case)
THIS IS WHY.
Because people in the town piss and moan about those same players' lives being ruined as a result of criminal charges being brought against them.
THIS IS WHY.
Because rape is a joke.
THIS IS WHY.
Because people STILL debate about whether "Rape Culture" is a THING! IT'S A THING! A REAL THING!
THIS IS WHY.
Because even the Police are guilty of it. (Cop accused of domestic violence arrested AGAIN)
Detroit Police Officer Arrested
THIS IS WHY.
Because I was a victim.
THIS IS WHY.
Because my mother was a victim.
THIS IS WHY.
Because my daughter was a victim.
THIS IS WHY.
I have a voice. I will use it even if half the population doesn't want me to. Even if I lose friends over this. I won't be silently nodding anymore. Spitfire will speak and THIS IS WHY.
