Sometimes motherhood hurts. I don't usually open up about this, but sometimes it just... it sucks. I joke about it all the time, but like most comedy, my jokes are born from pain. Make no mistake, I love my child fiercely and would kill anyone who threatened her without pity or remose.
However, raising a child is by far the hardest job in the world. It is even more difficult when you know your child is destined for greatness.
I'm not talking about the mundane vanities every parent has regarding their child. I get that. Every parent has that right, but what I'm talking about goes deeper than that. There is a greatness of purpose that just hovers over some children. A burden of purpose that means your child doesn't belong to you but to the world at large.
The burden of that responsibility can wear a person down after a while. The parent must always be on guard and watchful that the purpose is not polluted. The parents job becomes twofold. You must, not only raise your child, but now you must groom them as well.
You have to become Sarah Connor.
Yeah, I pretty much relate most of my life's learning to something I've seen in a movie. I'm a geek like that. But bear with me. I have a point.
Sarah knew from the very beginning what her son's purpose was. She knew what he was meant to do: Be a leader, save the world. She knew and acted accordingly.
She is the embodiment of "train up a child". She prepared him for the coming war. So much so, that she was deemed crazy and institutionalized because of it. I feel myself going down this same crazed path!
Don't worry, I'm not teaching her how to build sniper rifles...yet.
Yet, I do feel this weight of purpose. I believe in her greatness so much so that it seems to become a barrier between she and I. She doesn't believe like I believe. And you know what? It's okay. Because I believe enough for the both of us.
It is very hard and it is often painful. I've never heard a parent say this but I'm going to be truthful here: sometimes your kids can really hurt you.
My daughter is going through a phase of questioning and contradicting every single word that comes out of my mouth. I don't know why or when it will end, but there it is. My ten year old does not trust that I have the intelligence that God gave a gnat. Which is kind of hurtful because I've always prided myself on my acquisition of useful information.
Yes. I can already hear most of you saying that this is a phase all children go through. Yet, I have never seen any child take to it with as much...DETERMINATION.
I am trying my best to cultivate the seed God planted. I am trying to groom her for the destiny I see in her, but everything, including my child, is fighting against it. Herein lies my struggle.
John Connor hated his mother. But eventually he understood her methods and her mania and her training saved him and saved the world. At least in fiction anyway.
