Cartography

I believe I've found divinity.  Or at least that portion of heaven that was allotted to me.  But I must acknowledge the source, lest I fall into idolatry. 

With each word I write or type, the shape of it becomes clear to me.  But the scope!  Oh my, the scope of it is so beyond me.  I have written a world.  Written into existence something that was not there before. It makes me giddy to think on it.  But I must tread carefully, or what was given me will be all too quickly snatched away.

I am but the highway the words have traveled on. The words come through me, not from me.  They come from a place of miracles.  From a place where a spoken word from powerful lips can create life.  And even as I am the highway, I seek to use the words as a pathway to the divine.  To explain what I see, what I feel, what I hear, what I know when I reach heaven, when I touch God.  The ecstasy and delight.  The speechlessness and awe.  The humility and gratitude.

I believe I have found divinity.  I have written a world.  It becomes more real with each passing phrase.  At each visit I find God waiting.  At each visit he gives me more of the world.  He gives me words and sends me back to earth.  He makes me the cartographer.  I must create the map and show you the way, line by line and letter by letter.  I have written a world, and this dream, to me, is as real as waking.

Sunrises and Mortality

Today I saw the sun come up
Golden and pale pink over the treeline
The gray of horizon phasing into 
The softness of clouded blue
Today I saw the sunrise
And I cried.
I almost didn't see this sunrise
Yesterday, I almost died.

I guess things don't really phase me.  I take everything all in stride.  Unless I'm angry.  My stint in the emergency room was like that.  At first I was panicked, and afraid.  I cried a bit.  I made sure to do it when I was alone.  I don't like crying in front of people.  It seems too intimate to share my weakness and fear with a stranger.  My pain is my own.  I guard it like I guard my secrets.
But after the tears, which didn't last long at all, I felt nothing.  I was my old self again.  No worries, no fear.  I just took it all in stride.  One step after another.  One foot in front of the other.  There was no time for any emotion, just survival.  Just keep going.  I didn't feel any different.  I didn't feel any closer to death.  Didn't feel like I was hanging on by a very slim thread.
It wasn't until I saw today's sunrise that it finally hit me.  It wasn't my husband, or my daughter, but the colors of the sky as the sun crested the horizon. It wasn't until I saw the underbelly of the clouds tinged pink from the earliest light, and the gray of the dawn burning away to blue.  Not until I saw the liquid gold of the morning sun spill through the trees, did I truly understand the position I'd been in.
I almost missed this simple beautiful sight.  It has long been my habit to thank God for the sky, or red flowers by the highway, those unexpected red moments of life.  When I did this today, I realized I might not have witnessed this.  Thinking that, I cried. I'm so grateful for the life I have been given.
The smallest moments, so unexpected, are intense in their purity and power to remind you of the truth of your situation in life.  We are only a wink in God's eye.  I'm glad he decided not to blink this time.

Choices

Two Deities. One Oracle. Does she have a choice? If she does, who will she choose?