I Consider Myself A COLOSSAL Big Deal....Sometimes

I read an article the other day. It was about the complexity of the creative personality. It was eye-opening for me.

I have a big ego. HUGE. MASSIVE. I'm the absolute cockiest SOB I know! I hear Beyonce's "Ego" as my soundtrack on a regular basis! I am WILDLY self-confident, and I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I CAN. BACK. IT. UP.

But, guess what? I have consistently battled low self-esteem, low self-image and CRIPPLING self-doubt. I feel and KNOW that I am THEE least qualified individual on the face of God's green earth! I'm often self-effacing, reticent, and AFRAID!

And ALL of this is OK! It's all contradictory and complimentary to the creative personality! I used to think I was CRAZY! No, seriously. I've doubted myself often because of this duality. Instead of regretting this about myself I've embraced it. Besides, who am I to doubt the way God made me???

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote in his book Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention: “If there is one word that makes creative people different from others, it is the word complexity. Instead of being an individual, they are a multitude. Like the color white that includes all colors, they tend to bring together the entire range of human possibilities within themselves. Creativity allows for paradox, light, shadow, inconsistency, even chaos –and creative people experience both extremes with equal intensity.”

I am NOT crazy. I'm hardwired to think, feel, and act in 3D! The one thing that is most important about living this way is the need for balance. Without it I would swing like a pendulum from one extreme to the other. I would have no equilibrium. God is my stabilizer. He tempers my ego with humility. He counters my fear with confidence. He makes sense of all the insanity inside my head, then he USES it!

So, when I start to think I'm a big deal, I all too easily recall that I'm NOTHING without the presence of God in my life.